Today is time out from all this madness of putting our house on the market and at the same time reassessing our lives, where we are now and how we want the future to unfold. This turns out to be better than therapy and there are plenty of opportunities to contemplate the tulips while we try and make some tough decisions. My jealously guarded pot of tulips has survived the further depredations of the dog, but she continues to show great interest in them! Her other particular favourite flower to nibble is carnations
I am having second thoughts about
the chain of events we have triggered. Who are these strangers who trail
through my home, poking about in my closets and demanding to know exactly how
much sun we get in the courtyard, and when (it varies depending on the time of
year, how high or low the sun is in the sky), then dismissing us for their own
spurious and personal reasons as everyone chases their own particular version
of the dream, the rural idyll.
Putting so much time and energy into our home recently has only made us love it more, appreciate all the things that work for us here, despite the things that don't. Every little change we make, every detail we complete, every vision we have had for the house and garden which we are now realising, bonds us to it more. It is such a jewel of a house, full of colour and love and it fits us perfectly now after the five years we have spent here. The thought of starting again in another house with all the adjustments that will have to be made does seem increasingly daunting! And life moves on. I know things won't be the same again if we do make a move back but at the same time, I do miss my old friends and companions and would love to spend more time with them.
The memorial service for my friend was held last week in the lovely old village church in Kent where my youngest son was christened and where my mother used to join me for the annual candlelit carol service. The church was full of old friends and familiar faces and of course everyone wanted to catch up with us and then I was so sure we were doing the right thing. But my sons have all left home now and my mother is no longer alive so should I really disrupt our lives to chase a dream, a time that has vanished into thin air. Perhaps the answer is to make sure I spend more time there in future and keep up with my old friends but hold onto what we are building here?
Hello Marianne,
ReplyDeleteThese are very unsettling times for you and deciding what is for the best is never easy. A maxim we have held to all our lives is to never go back, believing that things are never the same anyway and that it is just better to move forward. At any rate, it is important to remember that one made the best decision one could at the time. Hindsight can be seriously depressing.
Building upon what you have achieved so far whilst maintaining a closer connection with those friends further away seems a good idea to us. Your house does look lovely and nobody will appreciate it in the same way.
Very unsettling. I shall be so glad when this is resolved, one way or another. Thank you for visiting.
DeleteMoving on is hard. I am sure you thought long and hard on this decision and you came to it for good reasons. Your home looks so lovely, but you have a purpose in mind and new adventures await.
ReplyDeleteYes, there will be other homes and they can become beautiful too.
DeleteI expect to face many of these questions a few years down the road, and I'm very sympathetic to the dilemma. At the very least, though, you're going through this experience together, appreciating what you've built over the past five years, and you recognize the rich, if difficult, choice you're making. . . together. I see much wisdom in your last two sentences, but there will be so much more I can't know as an occasional reader, so I'll only wish you calm discernment as you revisit your decision. Take care.
ReplyDeleteBig decisions are always tough, but time will sort this one out. Thank you for your wise advice.
DeleteI somehow missed your last post and news about your decision to move back to Kent. The process of selling a house (which you have spent several years making into a lovely home isn't an easy one). However, I'm sure you've made the decision to move on after serious thought with your partner. All the best with all the practicalities and I wish you peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteThank you Linda. Hopefully things will resolve sooner rather than later!
DeleteYes, there is much commonality. It's comforting to know that there is someone out there who is going through exactly the same thing. So far our house has been 'too big', 'too small' and 'in need of considerable updating'. The last comment I blame on the plethora of house and garden TV shows in which houses much have granite counter-tops and all the bells and whistles. New roof, windows, flooring etc count for nothing. The funniest was 'we love the ponds but can't buy the house because of them as we have small children'. We have managed through small children and grandchildren, by being watchful and keeping doors closes - and a little careful fencing is helpful too.
ReplyDeleteYour decision must have been hard to make, but your heart is telling you that it is the right one.
Everyone has a different agenda and in this position we are just waiting for the next step along the way. I hope your sale is progressing. Leaving a much loved home is always hard and having it judged by others too is certainly challenging!
DeleteI think this is harder than anyone realises and sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. My parents moved from their large and beautiful house a bit too early and found themselves bored with the apparently sensible choice they had made after years of living adventurously. We muse about leaving our much loved house because it is just in the wrong place, but then what constitutes the right place is not at all clear. I do think I agree with the idea of not going back and we find ourselves totally incapacitated by the fact that what works for one of us might not work for the other. There is much which is wonderful about a second marriage but the fact that it includes a deal of life not shared is tricky. What would work for me would not work for my husband and vice versa. And so we stick with the status quo, because nobody loses and nobody wins and we make it anew. Tough. I hope it works out for you, whatever it is!
ReplyDeleteBeing sensible is not always the right option and I never regret following my heart. I also hate the thought too that choices are narrowing down as time passes, especially as my partner is older than me and his agenda is slightly different. I love to think that all things are still possible.
DeleteI can see It is difficult for you to make a clear decision about your situation Elizabeth and it is always a challenge to meet the needs of both partners in a second marriage where there is not the same shared history. I hope you will resolve this in time. It is a little easier for us as we both bought our children up in Kent - they even went to the same senior school - so there is a big pull there, and they are all keen for us to relocate. The big problem is bumping into my partner's ex-wife and new husband, which he dreads as much as I would were the situation to be reversed!
Mm, I am starting to think that is the way to do things. Life does move on. You posted this a while ago. I wonder what you have decided to do in the meantime, and whether you have rethought your decision.
ReplyDeleteThe decision varies with the weather Jenny, but at the moment I would be happy if we could sell the house.
DeleteThank you for all the feedback. It's always interesting to know what others think and feel although the decision has to be personal and may or may not be the right one. Tricky!
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