Monday 23 February 2009

Create

Create it says at the top of the page, and that is what I'm trying to do. Create a new future, a different sort of life for myself, as the old one collapses around me.
One thing is for sure, things cannot go on as they are. I know I can no longer afford to live in this house, now the maintenance payments have slowed to a trickle and could dry up at any time. I know my youngest son will leave school this year, hopefully to start a more independent life for himself at University. And I know that my hands are telling me in no uncertain terms that I can no longer earn an income with them, as the joints swell and burn. No ambiguous messages there then, so what next?

We have talked through the worries we both have about moving in together, my lover and I, about making a life together, and it's exciting and scary in equal measure, but somehow we seem to have moved from 'shall we live together' to 'where shall we live together'. We could go almost anywhere, all our children now being young adults, and that's both liberating and frightening. We have a life here, friends, work, things we enjoy doing together. Could we find all the things we need in a strange place? Can we make a fresh start somewhere new?

We have looked at possible houses and they all have problems - one is a complete wreck and needs renovating, another is perfect, but a little too expensive and in the middle of Suffolk, another was snatched from under our noses, and yet another is liable to flooding.

I keep looking for a sign, a way forward. These are tough decisions and there are no easy answers. Where are the angels when you need them?

17 comments:

  1. Nice to hear from you again...
    It sounds like you are doing well, and moving on with your life, and making the best of your new relationship.
    A scary time no doubt, but you sound like a stronge lady, and I wish you the best in this new chapter.

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  2. All power to the thinking processes at this difficult time. Why do you have to move away from your current territory?

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  3. Hi Dick,
    Well that's the thing, we don't, but on the other hand the opportunity is there for a fresh start as things come to a natural conclusion here. So, to stay where everything is cosy and familiar, or to start again somewhere new, where no-one knows us. It's a big risk, and a leap in the dark. I think I know the answer now though.

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  4. Change is always scary and it's been an unsettling few months ABIT. Thank you for your good wishes.

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  5. Glad to have you posting again. If you feel like making a real move I would recommend north east wales (Ruthin is lovely) for fabulous countryside, a slight backwater feel but good communications by road and rail and good value for money in the housing market!
    All the very best to both of you.

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  6. Thank you Elizabeth. It's been a tough few months, working through the changes and moving towards a solution, but I think we are getting there. North east Wales sounds lovely, but at the moment, we have left our hearts in Suffolk!

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  7. Don't leave it up to angels. I always feel we have a much better grasp of the right things to do than they ever can. And you seem to have a great fix on the situation. Good luck, whatever you decide.

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  9. Thank you for visiting OM. Still unresolved and relationship in complete crisis at the moment, but hopefully things will come clear before too long.

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  11. The message from your guardian angel will arrive when you find the right house to make your home in . . good luck.

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  12. nice blog Marianne...

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  13. Wish you all the best, but you're not posting anymore, dear. Hope the problems are resolved and you're just busy with setting up your new life. Let us know how you are, your blog is so nice!

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  14. Thanks for the visits. I will post the outcome soon. It is all evolving and changing.

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  15. Come on sweetie. What is happening? The suspense is killing me...

    By the way, I am not dulwichmum.net and no longer a blogspot. So what is new with you?

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  16. Hi Who's who. Who are you then? Ok, post coming soon. Not sure who reads my blog, so being a bit discreet as lots in the pipeline.

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