Thursday, 5 April 2007

Into the Void

I don't think I really expected to be alone for so long. I am, after all, an intelligent, attractive woman. I think I have a lot to offer. Other people seem to manage it quite well, but it just hasn't happened for me. There have been skirmishes. I have scars.

Of course it's not easy, coming from the back of the pack, trailing damage and baggage, and it probably doesn't help that I live in the back of beyond, in established couple territory. The price you pay for being in the catchment area of a good state school. Not that they are all living happily ever after, but with house prices being sky high, and the astronomical cost of divorce for those with good careers, most of them have too much to lose to cut and run. But that's fine. Marriage and family are the glue in society.

I did wonder, when it all fell apart, if I should hot tail back to London and take my chance there and if it had been just me, there would have been no question. So I stayed but time passes, children grow up and leave home, my youngest son will leave school within the next three years. What then? I have made a life for myself here, I have some good friends whom I cherish, a job I enjoy that fits in with my family commitments.

Do I step into the void, older, perhaps wiser. Alone?


  1. I hardly know what you ought to do - stay or go? If you're happy where you are it's a great plus, but on the other hand if there are no single men about.... well,it may be a problem. It does sound very attractive where you are though, so perhaps you'd better stay - and let Fate find you!

    Thank you for your new comment on my blog-page by the way. I took the precaution of bolstering my own page by writing a response to you there, too... Though funnily enough, at my age and stage of life, the absence of comments doesn't seem to matter so very much any more.
    What matters is that I'm finally getting things finished, edited and 'out there'.
    It was time I did that. I've been tinkering on the edges since I was 10 - and this is definitely now or never time!

  2. I am man-less, but I don't think of myself as 'alone' or 'lonely'. There are plenty of things happening in my life - and it sounds as though there are in yours... friends, family, a job your enjoy.

    "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle".

    Big hugs...

  3. Absolutely right but sometimes, especially when you have spent a very long time in an intimate, albeit dysfunctional, relationship, you just want someone to cuddle up to, to bring you a cup of tea in bed ... and drive you to France.

    Hugs too.

  4. Know exactly how you feel Marianne...the cuddle and so on.

    I was 'alone' for a very long time in London. I don't think it makes a jot of difference where you are to be honest. Apart from a brief, violent interlude I spent nearly 7 years on my own in London in my late 20's, early 30's, the last few years of that as a single parent of baby son. I went out, met lots of people, men included but never any that I wanted to have a proper relationship with. My 'alone' came to an end with Mr Mags, nearly 9 years ago now and we 'met' online in a virtual pub. I wasn't expecting it and certainly wasn't looking for it but it socked it to me all the same.

    Company will come, when you are ready, where ever you happen to be living.

  5. Virtual Pubs eh? Tell me more.

    There is a theory that, when you are ready, the right person will come into your life. He might already be in it. Que sera.

  6. When I bought my first pc back in 1996 it came preloaded with AOL and so I took the subscription to enter the wonderful world of the web. They had lots of chat rooms and one was a virtual pub. They used to have prize quizzes and everything. It was an ideal place to go when in the real world baby sitters were at a premium. I met lots of lovely people there with some relationships developing into 'real' friendships rather than staying virtual and one was Mr Mags.

    They don't have those chat rooms now because as more people began to use the internet it became a far less innocent place to be.

    It is funny though how something comes along when you are really not that fussed one way or another. I don't know whether that is because the 'needy' part of a person has gone. It's a difficult thing to deal with.

  7. all I can say marianne, and M&M too, is that there are two chaps out there who are really missing out because you haven't met yet


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