Nobody said it was easy.
Sometimes there's a glimmer of hope and I start to think that I really can do this, I really can make a life here, but the truth is I'm like a plant without a tap root, frantically trying to push out a network of fine fragile new roots into the somewhat reluctant East Anglian soil to compensate for what is lost, and I feel discouraged.
I know I've been here before, more than once, in a new place, building a new life and I also know that it takes time and that, sometimes, it never takes at all and you just have to go back to where you were and begin again from that place, and maybe that's going to be the answer in the end. We no longer have children to help establish us in a strange place and I am struggling to find meaningful work and ways of passing the time. People are very kind, but I have no deep connection with them and I'm not sure I have the will to keep trying.
There are wonderful things about life here. The house is as lovely and welcoming as we had hoped, the village is idyllic though very sleepy and set in it's ways, the surrounding countryside is stunningly beautiful and we are enjoying exploring our new terrain. We plan to carry on getting to know this part of the world, to enjoy what is available to us, to sail all over the coastline this summer exploring the inlets and rivers and try not to worry too much about the uncertain future.
But I miss the life I had, with all its mess and difficulties.
It's so l,ovely to see you blogging again. It sounds as if you may have lots to write about as your life continues to change.
ReplyDeleteCx
I've just stumbled into your blog and goodness knows how, but I'm so pleased I did. You write beautifully, I just wanted to say that.
ReplyDeleteCathy, how lovely to see you again. It's like bumping into an old friend you haven't seen for a while. Thank you for visiting. I'll pop in and see you and see what you are up to.
ReplyDeleteNow we are seven, it's good to meet you and I'm glad you stumbled upon me too. Your comment gives me heart and encouragement, especially as I haven't felt able to write anything at all for a while. Will visit.
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ReplyDeleteHi Marianne
ReplyDeleteIt was good to see your comment on mine and find you blogging again. We too uprooted ourselves five years ago to live here so I do know what you mean! For us keeping a flow of old friends and family coming and going is a necessary part of feeling settled. Now, five years in, we do have some local friends too and a sense of recreating the network we left behind. I love the beauty of the place deeply and wouldn't go back for the world but it has taken time, at least a couple of years, for my days to fill satisfyingly! Best of luck. Living somewhere beautiful is a profound blessing I think!
It is indeed a blessing Elizabeth, but I do still wonder whether we should have stayed put and tried to build a life together in a familiar setting. I miss it so much and all the memories it held of bringing up my boys.
ReplyDeleteHowever we will continue to try, for a while at least. People say it takes a time in a new place, so I should give it a good shot. The good news is that I'm getting into gardening!