Nothing ever goes completely smoothly. The new school year started so well, with such good intentions on all sides, but gradually things have slipped. We are back to the usual early morning routine. 'I'm not going to call you again!' 'If you aren't ready, I shall just go without you and you can find your own way to school!' Six miles across country and no buses unless he catches the 7.45 from the village - fat chance! The letters home - broken bounds, coming home at lunchtime if he doesn't have lessons, work not done or handed in, threatened suspensions, lectures from tutors. All the old familiar themes. How could I ever have thought we had cracked it this time?
Which isn't to say that there hasn't been progress, that things aren't moving in the right direction. I hope. But I fool myself if I think things have resolved. And, to make me feel really bad, apparently it is all my fault, he tells me. The way he is. That's the hardest thing to take. I look deep inside myself and wonder, and worry. Perhaps he is right. All the times I got it wrong, when I was too tired or emotional or stressed to be the perfect mother I wanted to be and we certainly aren't the perfect family, but in the end, you do the best you can with the cards you are dealt and that is the only positive message I can give my son today.
Hi Marianne.
ReplyDeleteHugsss to you. From reading in between the lines, you are doing a fabulous job. Your son has to blae someone and you are it, even though you are doing an amazing job. I can certainly understand how you feel though. My daughter used to blame me for everything that was wrong in her life. But believe me you are not to blame and your son will realise this when he grows up and see's it from the otherside of the fence.
I hope your Sunday is more peaceful. Hugsssssssss Jo
Just letting off steam, Jo. It is horribly dispiriting when your children tell you you've screwed up, despite all your good intentions. Why can't he focus on the things that are right in our lives, rather than the difficult things?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, we have come through this particular battle and made up. On we go.
On you go indeed, Marianne! It's all that we as parents can ever do, no matter how wrong it sometimes seems - or is perceived to be.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't seem to me that your son is so very different from the normal boy of that age however.... Our elder boy fooled about at school, then had to go to a crammer for a year afterwards, to pull himself up by his boot-straps and get the grades he needed for college. Now, he is a lawyer of rising distinction - and very grateful to us for all that we did for him in the past.
So be of good heart - all will yet be very well!
Marianne, have tried twice to leave this comment and somehow your blogger won't accept it. Here goes for third time lucky.
ReplyDeleteDo NOT blame yourself; there comes a time when your boy must look in the mirror and take responsibility for the man he will become.
If the deterioration coincides with the reappearnace of TMITPS it could be a case of small-boy-jealousy-in-a-big-boy.
You'll get there, I'm sure. Take heart.
Agree with @tm here - sure you will get there and much support and positive thoughts coming your way.
ReplyDeleteI think it makes things worse for both of you if you allow him to blame you. Don't play. Look him firmly in the face and tell him that, much though you love him, you can't carry the can for the adult he is becoming. That's what being an adult is, taking over the responsibility - tell him you love and trust him, you are sure he will be a fine man and you feel lucky to be his mother.
Then go away and leave him alone for a bit.
Sorry, got a bit carried away there - my son was a bit like that when he was a teenager and is simply great now so lots of fellow feeling! sorry to be so interventionist!
Thank you for the support and kind words. It all helps when things are really tough. It was a very difficult weekend, and hard to cope with, without support or backup.
ReplyDeleteThere is no doubt that he is a particularly difficult child. It is well documented and long standing, but it could be much worse and we are still on track.
Maternal guilt is awful isn't it? I don't want to pry, but have you considered outside help? It cannot possibly be all your fault and maybe your son needs to dump his anger/frustration on someone else?
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, good luck,
Pigx
Keep smilin hun. You know it's not your fault and he knows it's not your fault!
ReplyDeletebut where's my comment??!! I left one the other day! oh...do you moderate them?
ReplyDeleteah, yes you do!
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas!
Pigx
Sorry, too busy to check my blog - work and family all consuming at the moment, but thanks for the support. Normal service will be resumed, eventually.
ReplyDelete