Wednesday, 13 April 2016

Staying put

The subconscious plays strange tricks.  Deciding to acquire Oskar, our new puppy, was an emotional decision and totally impractical given our plans to move house and downsize to a busier, more urban environment with better facilites and transport links to our growing extended family, preferably back in the rather overcrowded South East of England where we brought up our children (despite this being our second marriage, the children grew up in the same area and were educated at the same school, so lots of ties there). 
All sensible, reasonable, carefully thought through and definitely achievable with one older, settled dog (and the three cats who are well used to upping sticks anyway). But the subconscious was having none of it!

We are still enjoying a love affair with our pretty village house, very much off the beaten track and on the road to nowhere in particular, and with the gorgeous countryside that surrounds us. We can step out of our gate and be in fields in minutes, well away from noise, traffic and pollution and revelling in the space and unspoilt beauty of this part of Suffolk.  Ideal for dog walking and yet within driving distance of so many places we enjoy visiting.  Perhaps if we had found another house we could fall in love with, our decision would have been different, although given the cost and disruption of a house move, it would have had to be very special indeed.  

I have also had to face the fact that my wish to move is very much linked to a strong desire to turn the clock back.  Back to a time and place where I was happy in my role as mother and daughter, where I had a job I enjoyed and found interesting and was surrounded by like-minded friends, very much the hub of my family and part of a community, but life has moved on, choices have been made and for now, it is clear that Oskar has helped us to crystallise our thoughts and, after two years of uncertainty and playing the options, tolerating hoards of strangers tramping through our much loved home, always believing that there would be the perfect house for us out there, we are settling for what we have.  We are simply not ready to give up our country life yet. The colour charts have come out and I am having Rightmove withdrawal symptoms, but we do have two happy, contented dogs (and the cats would be relieved too)!  Of course Oskar is totally oblivious to his role in our decision and is happily getting on with the business of being a puppy but he has certainly changed our lives in more ways than one and I have found out why I needed him in my life.


24 comments:

  1. Sometimes it is necessary to go round and round the roundabouts to find exactly what it is we want, and I am pleased that you have now resolved your dilema. It will certainly be easier for you to stay put - moving is so very stressful.

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    1. When you put a desire out there and it doesn't happen, I think that is your answer. In the current UK property market many people are coming to the same decision. Being happy with what is, is always the challenge. Thanks for visiting.

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  2. I agree with you, Marianne, about the power of the subconscious. The handsome Oskar's addition to your existing family circle was a wise choice. Having your current home for sale (I think that is what you meant) and exploring other potential new locations was also wise. Science was never my strong suit, but I recall the idea of setting up controlled experiments to test out theories. I think that lots of us conduct similar experiments throughout our lives, even when we are not altogether aware of the process. Subconscious.

    During the coming year, I also will be considering various options about staying or going, and if going...well, where to. One of the joys of blogging is discovering what it is to live in many other parts of the world. I think that we all have so much in common, no matter where we "hang our hats."

    xo

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    1. Frances, there is so much we don't really understand about the human psyche, but the subconscious is very good at putting us in tune with hidden desires. It was fun, trying on new possible lives, but in the end the one we have here is the one that works best for us at the moment.

      I'm looking forward to finding out about your journey of discovery in the next year or so and hope you find the right answer. There are so many ways to live a life and it's hard to commit, but in the end we have to, and then make it work x

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  3. What a relief it must have been to make that decision (or, rather, to realise that you had somehow already made it). It sounds as if you're very happy where you are, and you still do get to see your family often enough, without a sense of having given up something you really love for them. It sounds as if you live in a very special part of the world and I expect you'll have many happy years there yet -- lucky Oskar!

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    1. It wasn't for lack of trying to find alternatives, just accepting that this is the best option. Perversely, I do miss the thrill of the chase, and the endless possibilities that existed, but I do not miss the dreaded viewings and the endless tidying up that I know you are going through right now. The difference is that you have made a decision and are clear about what you want, whereas we were always rather in two minds. Choosing Oskar was a way of choosing the status quo for us. Hope to hear things are moving forward for you soon, Frances x

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  4. Oskar looks very contented. Dogs have the life, with days that are filled with thoughts of food, water, a couple of toys and someone to love. They have no big decisions to make and no deadlines. Ah, If only our lives could be that easy.

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    1. A dog or cat with a loving home certainly has it easy! I enjoy being able to give our pets a good life - it's a pleasure and a privilege. Perhaps we over-think our lives? I'm sure I do.

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  5. Your village home sounds wonderful - I like off the beaten track. It seems that the dogs are very content, too. We recently sold a city house, and I don't miss it. I like the quiet of the countryside (or mountainside in my case).

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    1. It's a question, I think, of being happy with what we have. I often feel we live in a backwater, but it certainly has lots of compensations. Maybe one day we will make the move back to a town but for now, I am enjoying the birdsong as you are enjoying your mountain, Barb.

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  6. Your lovely dogs look as though they're enjoying a perfect life! It seems everything has come together for you now, with Oskar a huge part of that. I completely agree with your last comment, giving an animal a good life is so important and worthwhile.

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    1. They do look happy and a lot of our thinking has had them at the centre. They add so much to our lives, too. Thanks for visiting.

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  7. I glad Oskar has helped you to realise how much your current location means to you. Having moved from the outskirts of a town to the countryside and walks straight out of the door I can appreciate your sentiments! Sarah x

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    1. Walks straight out of the door are so important to us, birdsong is the other important criteria. Glad you are enjoying country living too, Sarah.

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  8. This post really 'spoke' to me, Marianne; I'm busy with paint charts and small changes here too, after deciding not to move, and as each day passes since the ghastly experience with the greedy people who wanted to buy our home, the sense of relief increases, and I love our cottage even more than before. The house we ourselves had wanted - enough to consider uprooting ourselves for - is almost forgotten. Wishing you more lovely settled years in your present home!

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  9. I know you went through a similar experience Rachel, although you did fall in love with another house and we didn't. I think we both realised that what we have now is by far the best option and it's such a relief to be out of the whole property market experience and to be able to focus on moving things on where we are now. Lots to do!

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  10. To go or to stay - such a difficult decision, especially when there are good reasons for both choices. I am still mourning Pondside after a year and a half. I know it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it, but I was not truly ready. We were ready as a couple, and that is another thing altogether. I left a little of my heart there but I am trying very hard to settle into this new-old cottage.

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    1. It's only really clear when there is a strong reason for the choice, and for us, it wasn't strong enough. Plus my husband loves it here and I am not sure enough to insist and don't want to regret letting go of something special. What is right for you as a couple is not necessarily the same as what is right just for you, as you say, Honora. It takes a long time to make a home and build those memories, but I know that as time passes, it does happen, and that it will for you too.

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    2. That's beautiful. It's horrible to feel unsettled. And assuring when you reevaluate your surroundings and realize that you're already home. May you and your creatures continue to be happy and comfy wherever you may be.

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  11. Beautiful photos. You have a lovely blog. Warm greetings from Montreal, Canada. :)

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    1. Glad you like it. Rather neglected at the moment though. I have always wanted to visit Montreal - one day, maybe.

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  12. I am glad you have come to a conclusion marianne. We are earlier on the process of working out what to do. I would like to move (is it part of my general unsettled sense after these last couple of years and their losses?). My husband is prepared to move if we can find the right house, but would prefer to stay put. I have an estate agent coming tomorrow. Do we want to stay or go? I really don't know!

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    1. I thought it would be a relief, but I having been feeling very flat since we made the decision to stay put. Who knows what the future will bring?

      The only way to find out what you want to do is to put it out there and see what happens, and it will crystallise for you, as it did for us. I will warn you though that the UK property market is very tough at the moment with very little quality property coming up for sale, so finding something comparable is very difficult. That might improve after the Referendum though. It is also so expensive to move that many people are opting to stick with what they have.

      At some point we will probably leave here and move closer to a town, or larger village with more to offer and I wonder if you too are tempted by a less isolated lifestyle? My husband took a similar view to yours and that is probably the main reason we are still here.

      I shall be interested to hear how you get on and what decision you come too. Hopefully you will blog about it?

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